Harvey Weinstein and the other predators out there
Hollywood and abuse the film industry
Harvey Weinstein and the collusion around his behavior
Hollywood and abuse the film industry has been the open secret. The abuse and collusion in this story is so redundant in that the modus operandi (M.O.) is the same for Harvey and every other predator. There is grooming, manipulation, covert planning, and silence among the witnesses.
Only when we as a society stand up to the bullies and predators and hold them accountable will see change.
How do you negotiate caring for a mother that missed the mothering “gene?”
The reality of aging parents is something we cannot avoid as we age. So, for those of us whose parents were less than pleasant, available or nurturing, we have some soul searching to do. What is our responsibility to our old parents?
Do I have to?
The short answer is no, you do not have to do anything you don’t want to do. That is one of the benefits of adulthood. That being said, the answer is more complicated than that and is worth investigating.
What about the rest of my family?
The rest of the family may not know your feeling about the situation and may need to be informed. The best scenario is that you speak first to your parents about their wishes. I often reminded my mother that I was going to “drop her off” at a very nice facility. It became our inside joke when she irritated me, this was often.
Considering parents are not always in the mindset or capable of making their health and well-being decisions, it falls on the family, in this case, it is you. You could reach out to your family and see if they have any ideas. If not, you make a decision that considers your old parent’s but works best for you. This is where you think long and hard about what type of person you are and how do you want to be in the world.
Will you use this opportunity to take out your frustration, unresolved mom and dad issues out on them? Will you take advantage of their vulnerability and make them remember what they did and did not do for you? I suggest you have some compassion for yourself and your parents and make decisions that feel right to you. Ultimately, you are the one that has to deal with your decisions.
Is it because I am the only girl?
Caregiving has historically been assigned to the girls in the family. I say “nice try.” Do not let tradition force you into a role you do not want. I believe it is the families responsibility to come up with a plan
I prayed for compassion
I had a very difficult relationship with my own mother. There was a list of things that I was angry, disappointed and hurt by during my life. As much as I had justifiable reasons to reject my mother, it went against my character. I could not detach my emotions from my actions, I had to come to terms with the fact that we eventually understand, our parents do the best they can with what they know. Regardless of my mother’s lack of maternal nurturing and protection, she did not treat me with malice. Her parental skills were limited to her lack of emotional and psychological immaturity. When it comes down to it, how do you blame someone for having a deficit, you can’t.
We have heard it all, the parent who is “crazy,” the parent who is fueled by “revenge,” and the parent who is simply beaten down by divorce.
It is over, but not for the kids
The love story ends and all that is left are the empty promises, unfulfilled responsibilities and a trunk full of betrayal.
Susceptible
No one wants to imagine that their happy marriage is over, or that resentment and betrayal have poisoned a once beautiful love story, but it happens. We cannot control or predict the trajectory of our marriage, but we could have some ground rules when things don’t work out. Divorce does not have to mean World War III. This is even more critical when children are involved.
Your parental responsibility
You have two primary responsibilities; one is for you, you cannot disintegrate or implode because of an impending divorce, secondly, you have a responsibility to your child or children. It is also critical to acknowledge that change is coming, with that in mind it is best to keep all other aspects of your child’s life, the same.
Keep things as “normal” as possible
If they have practice on MWF at 4:30 at the park, they go to practice. If they usually spend the night at a friends house on Friday nights, encourage them to continue this. The child needs consistency and predictability in what may feel a totally out of control situation (their parent’s separation/divorce). Read the rest of this entry »
Every parent wants the best for their children, so whether you are hiring a nanny or babysitter, be clear on what you are looking you are looking for in a caregiver. The terminology and responsibilities of each nanny or babysitter are not written in stone. Let’s not get caught up in semantics.
Who are you looking for?
Are you looking for a mature woman, someone who may be a parent herself? Do you want a person that has a natural ease with children a mother or grandmother-like energy? What about a young high school or college age woman to run around with your kids, teach them the latest dance moves and be up for the spontaneity of kids? What about a “Manny,” this young man might change the dynamic a bit. Maybe you need someone to take the kids to baseball, swing a racket with them or play a mean game of dinosaur in the front line. These are the things you want to think about. Who do I want my child to be with each day?
Cost should NOT dictate your decision
It could be a costly mistake if you are basing your search solely on expense. Paying someone through an agency does not guarantee a good fit. The same is true for a teenage babysitter, he/she might be the right fit based on convenience, they live nearby, energy, and availability.
