Teen Sexting and Slut Shaming

Teen Sexting

In Tanenbaum, L. (2018, January 18). What Teen Sexting Reveals about Women and Sexual Coercion. Time.com http://time.com/5108384/teen-sexting-slut-shaming-me-too/, we hear about the intense pressure girls feel not only respond but to comply with the request of boys.

Girls’ as young as 12 years old

Is it universal? Do all girls experience when pressure from boys?

There is a collective and historical oppression of girls and women. Girls as young as 12 years old tell stories about how they felt cornered, or how someone’s brother chased them for a kiss. What starts off as teasing or flirtation, can quickly become threatening and serious.

Feminism

There have been three waves of feminism stating in the 1830’s. How are we still here being chased down by boys and men? Have we not learned anything about empowerment, standing up for our personal boundaries? Have we not taught our children how to respect their own bodies and others?

The three waves of feminism (1830-1900’s, 1960-1980’s, and 1990-today) addressed the right to vote, reproductive rights and gender equity. How do we continue to be perceived and ultimately subjected to the oppression of boys and men?

Compliance as our greatest enemy. Compliance has a crippling effect on our girls’; this is personal and must be the impetus for change.

Adolescence

As a feisty adolescent, I was told to act “like a girl,” to be “lady-like.” I was “too loud”, “too opinionated,” and way “too vocal.” Sequestered by a boy, I froze. My training kicked in, I was quiet and conciliatory. My mild protests were crushed by the desire and dominance of the boy. Read the rest of this entry »

Good Sex or Bad Sex the Difference can be a Conversation Away

Let’s talk about sex, baby.

Sex talk, if you can’t talk about sex or even have a hint of what you like, want and need…you have no business having sex. Sorry, not sorry.

If there is going to be a hint of equality and sharing of each other’s bodies, you might want to talk first. This would prevent uncertainty, uncomfortable situations and not being heard.

Have a game plan.

Not every detail of the interaction needs to be planned, but an outline is good.

Examples.

I am not interested in intercourse tonight.
I love kissing.
We can take our shirts off.
I want to take my time and get to know you better.
I don’t have sex on the first date.

Start the conversation about safety and the warning signs of abuse

Art and Discussion

Parent education and child abuse

Start the conversation with your children about safety and the warning signs of abuse before they are sitting you down to tell you something horrible about what they experienced. I wish the reality was not what it is about the incidents of abuse and how none of are children are immune to predators.

Keep talking

Take the risk with your kids despite your discomfort. Tell them, you are uncomfortable, but that you know it is a very important conversation to have. Remind them that you are there for them no matter what, no matter when and that you will always be on their side no matter what. This is a conversation that does not have a beginning and end, it is ongoing, always open for clarification and quesitons.

Not too young to be safe

Children will learn about boundaries as toddlers through your modeling. If someone comes up to your child and pinches their cheeks, you could ask them to please not touch your child. That is fair. WE don’t go around pinching cheeks of teenagers and adults. Small examples like that are showing your child that they get to decide who can hug them, pinch them and tickle them.

Never too old to be safe

Reminders to your high schoolers and college age students can be a signal to them that the conversation is not over and that you are still here, should they need you. No one person is guaranteed safety, why not teach your kids how to protect themselves, advocate for themselves and stand up for themselves.

Parenting: 10, 000 No’s with Matthew Del Negro

Ep 15, From Abuse to Empowerment with Angelica Hernandez, PhD

Oct 20, 2017

We’ve been hearing about sexual abuse in the news a lot these days, but to hear it from a survivor who has turned it into her cause is inspiring and gives us faith in humanity. Having grown up in poverty and suffering sexual abuse at the hands of a family member, Dr. Hernandez is on a mission to stop it from happening to her kids and yours. Our conversation includes… ## Empowering your children’s independence without coddling them. ## Why parents are misreading the data when they only warn their kids about talking to STRANGERS. ## How an abused child becomes more susceptible to further abuse. ## How The Brady Bunch saved Dr. Hernandez. ## Why parents should know where their kids are and what they’re doing. ## Why Angelica thought her Elite School colleagues said she was “East of Money”. ## Fighting the good fight and turning your worst nightmare into your life’s cause. ## If you like what you hear, please leave an iTunes review and spread the word.

Predators have allies too

The Daily Beast

The Daily Beast website tweeted a #MeToo photo illustration that accompanied a column about sexual assault and harassment. #MeToo has gone viral on social media. (The Daily Beast)

#MeToo

Out of the 100 or so messages of support for participating in the #metoo social media campaign, this is what I received in a message from a cousin’s ex-wife of about 25 years, I have not spoken to her or seen her in about that many years. (All text is verbatim, (asside from headings and external links) however, I removed the last name she included in the text.)

Backlash

“WED 6:36PM

When the cycle of abuse creates victims that become perpetrators who is there to help heal their guilt and shame? Do you think that just because that unspeakable act occurred that these young boy perpetrators were not bullied by an older male sociopath relative to participate?? I do not know all your details just as you don’t know mine. Was there no other way to confront this issue without this public humiliation? Actually victor doesn’t even have Facebook so its just passing that guilt and shame onto the family when they see this. And honestly did you ever talk to Victor. Maybe he would be able to admit his wrongdoings at this time and apologize and maybe work with you towards a healing plan. A plan to break the cycle.

Victimizing the Victim?

This is similar to Victimizing the victim. Just how you felt when people asked you why you let this continue to happen right? When ignorant people said “why didnt you tell your mother?” Or “why didnt you just say no and run away?”

Confronting the Abuser

I say this from my own wounded heart as you know some of the path I have endured as well. However I chose to not continuously be the victim. Many years ago I once again confronted my abuser straight on. I was expecting a denial just has he had denied for many years. But this day he actually apologized. He was sincere and extremely shameful. And I thought that would help me heal ….but it just felt hollow. Because I realized that my entire family had generation after generation of this cycle. I chose not to call out his siblings for not intervening. But it is out there. Not on Facebook because this is not the media I would ever chose to enhance a family healing plan. This is public knowledge in my family but not on social media.

Inter-generation Trauma

If you truly wanted to help this cycle end you would realize that its far bigger than just being a victim. Generation after generation has ignored this shit. Its maddening. And I applaud your “in your face attitude” but this appears to be selective shame. I have never seen a post that publicly shames your own mother that let this abuse carry on And do not even begin to tell me that she didnt know. She knew. Because it happened to her I bet as well. If you want to believe that she didnt know then thats your choice but then why didnt she protect you. Why didnt the main people that should have been protecting us shield us from this harm??Dont you see?? The whole family needs to work towards the healing to break the cycle. This is shaming the entire family not Victor. Its hurtful but if you truly think that this heals you then so be it.”

Speak Out

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