Seriously, my biggest concern was how people would treat our kids. I had known other lesbian parents, but they had their kids in progressive private schools. I imagined that there was an invisible support system in place as everyone was “included” and part of the community.
I did not want to have to pay tuition for my children to be welcomed and respected—so, I acted “as if” everyone was accepting of different families and non-judgmental. It worked.
As our children have created their own community of friends, coaches, teachers, and other parents, we have never had a single incident of homophobia or a snarky remark from kids or parents. Trust me, I am grateful for this.
Since preschool and into elementary school, we have had both parents and kids tell us how lucky our kids are to have two moms. What a compliment.
Now, have we been confronted with all other possible situations that our kids might run into? No, but we will figure it out as it comes. I realize that worrying about “what ifs” just leaves me exhausted and guarded. We will be as ready as we can be.
Our kids have yet to ask us how exactly we came to have them. Are you curious?
We used an anonymous sperm donor. We did our research to find a donor who represented my wife ethnic heritage, who had a healthy medical history, and whom we “fell for.” We received a photograph of the donor at about 4 years of age so that we could see his features, eyes, and hair, and get an idea of what he might look like as an adult. We thought he was adorable. We also had a sample of his writing, a full 97-page report that included medical history, hobbies, education, and career path of maternal and paternal aunts, uncles, parents, and siblings. It was quite extensive. The best part of the entire process was the audio interview with the donor. His reason for donating was exactly the reason we needed a donor: it was as if he picked us and we picked him.
So, when our kids want more information about where they came from, we have a beautiful story to tell them. I understand not all lesbian parents want all the details, but we did. I am extremely grateful to have two happy and healthy children that I created with the help of a donor. I truly feel connected to him, whoever he is, wherever he is.